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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Thursday, 6 March 1924
die Jupiter.
12.40. Nearly gave up yesterday. The Storm-Fiend [asthma] came to put the lid on the other symptoms of withdrawal. KB2 and Gardenal[1] ad nauseum (literally) and then repeatedly failed to do more than avert the full onslaught. In despair I reverted to the Cefalu aq[uarius] [Heroin] and to my great surprise found it worked at once! Mussolini has failed to expel the last drops of honesty from Italy—at least from Sicily, where he is disliked!
The 'Hag' [The Confessions of Aleister Crowley] Early days: my question as to my name. This incident of Alexander proved critical. It answered the supreme question 'Who art thou?' and I have never turned back or aside from that hour. "An helper of men" is implied in my Abyss answer (1906) "To teach men the Next Step i.e. the K[nowledge] and C[onversation] of the H.G.A. [Holy Guardian Angel]" and of course in my function as 666.
12.40 P.M. Last night in meditation—much of this recorded elsewhere—was reminded of "The Stratagem" (which made my fame as a short-story writer) written in sickness in The Paris Working (Jan-Feb '14) Idea—shall I be inspired in this Ordeal to a new great success of a similar kind?
3.55 P.M. Mudd springs it on me that Cefalu will be sold up within 12 hours (on the evidence principally of his morbid imagination) I am certainly in a weak state: he got me quite upset for a few minutes. I don't even know the intention of the Gods in the matter; but it is up to us to do something p.d.q. on ordinary human grounds. I ask the Yi: what steps should be taken in view of the present situation of the Abbey of Thelema at Cefalu? Air/Luna Hwan. LIX Thwan: I invoke the Most High Gods!
1. Do all possible: get assistance of a potent outsider.
2. Hasten to make a contrivance for security. (Success should come). May mean Leah [Leah Hirsig] should bring valuables to Paris.
3. Have no regard to personal considerations.
4. Play off Cefalu people against each other; get someone friendly to step in.
5. Issue passionate appeals all round. Realize on property. e.g. rare books here, Legros etc. at Cefalu etc.
6. Refuse to be hurt, and have no fear (O.P.V. thinks Line 1 [of the I Ching hexagram] gives the whole answer, and the rest the subsequent proceeding.)—P.S. Quite wrongly! !
6.0 P.M. [the following is scrawled through by Crowley] Just occurred to me that to-morrow is Good Friday—I am apparently assigned an important role!—so that Banks, Pawn-shops etc. will be shut till Tuesday. However, this should apply to postpone any legal trouble at Cefalu, and give us time for personal effort around Paris, and private correspondence with England. On the whole, then, possibly the holiday may operate in our favour. We should have time to write full instructions to Cefalu. [this ends the scrawled-out portion of the diary.]
a. Will send maximum we can raise by wire immediately Banks are open.
b. Leah should come here with Legros etc. (taken from frames) von Rosenroth, annotated Eq[uino]x (buckram set) all special bound MSS of mine, all well-bound books, sets like Casanova, 6 Athenian Society translations, stock of Thelema books, d[itt]o Bagh-i-Muattar, World's Tragedy etc. Giosue shold be asked to keep wolves at bay and supply additional funds if required to enable b.
d. Arturio [Arturo Sabatini] might sell the crude opium on the quiet. Pawn: Watch 50 g 18-ct. Chain 22-carat. Eagle 18-ct. Snake Ring. Templar Ring 18-ct. Topaz Tie-pin. Cigarette case (silver inlaid gold. Dirk (Silver [illegible]). 33 sash (silver-gilt fringe) Fur coat (Puttes de ribeline). Sell: two big revolvers. Try Westley Richards (Av. de L'Opera). ? has Bourcier a friend who would make a private loan (larger than Credit Municipal on B's introduction and explanation of circumstances) on above security.
6.31 P.M. As per Yi, will invoke the Great Gods of Heaven to defend their Abbey (Inv[ocatio]n Bartzabel Eq[uino]x I IX). I performed this with all my might: it quite exhausted me.
10 P.M. Ethel [Ether] explains why O.P.V. (expected back at 7.30 by me, but not by him) is late. It is my habit to expect important commission to be executed like an office-boy leaving parcels. I examine myself very thoroughly under Ethel. I am confirmed in my old conclusion that I am essentially insane. But Ethel herself and her friends have something to do with this; and my one chance is to cut them out before it is too late. Of course, the brain under Ethel is not the free brain: also, small wonder if it is staggering still under the sudden shock applied by O.P.V. this afternoon. He certainly has the tact of a German corporal. (Also, I had just invoked Mars!) Anyhow, I propose to leave Ethel alone for the present—a long present at that—unless in really severe distress of breathing. As to aq., I propose to keep on steadily cutting this down, using it only in emergencies like asthmatic attacks, and (till the chain is finally broken) "storm-fiend" goes, or failure of the pulse.
O.P.V. must really take all this very seriously: in one way or another he must manage to avert catastrophe long enough to give me a chance to pull through physically and nervously so that I can get on to my job again properly. (One suggestion is to ask Pindar [Major Pindar] to take me in for a while).
[The following text and the letter (scrawled through) to Mr. Goldsmith appear on the other sides of the preceding pages.]
? ask Doughty [Joseph Doughty] to try to raise a lump sum explaining our illness etc. preventing us touching my resources. Coates might answer his appeal, while ignoring O.P.V.'s)
1—Gardenal contains phenobarbital, a barbituate.
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